


White Noise

by just_call_me_moon



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dan Howell Needs A Hug, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mute Dan Howell, Panic Attacks, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 22:58:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17990099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_call_me_moon/pseuds/just_call_me_moon
Summary: Mute!Dan is left alone in their flat, suffering an anxiety attack/existential crisis and everything’s so quiet and he’s breaking down.  Then Phil comes home and saves him once again.





	White Noise

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what im doing help
> 
> Uh i don't own dan and phil in case you were wondering
> 
> This is my first thing so enjoy

He stood helplessly as Phil yelled. Called him useless and a deadweight. Unlovable. Broken. And of course, Dan could do nothing but stand there, unable to speak, and take the words being hurled like knives. Nothing but watch as Phil tossed his things in a suitcase and left, the slam of the door echoing on empty walls.

He woke with a start. Even in the mere first seconds of wakefulness, he was drenched in sweat and his heart was racing and his lungs were pumping air too fast to even catch a breath. Even after witnessing himself wake, he couldn’t convince himself if this was really just a dream. The empty spot on the bed beside him didn’t help.

Pushing himself up, he stumbled across the flat. He wanted nothing more to call for his boyfriend. For Phil to come and take him in a hug and reassure him that it wasn’t real and never will be. Yet the quiet of the empty flat mocked him. Its weight crushed him, causing his lungs to increase their panic. His head spiraled, and his body must have spun with it, as he ended up on the floor.

Even his sobs seemed quiet, unable to go beyond panting breaths. Tears fell noiselessly onto the carpet, and Dan couldn’t even bother to brush them away. He couldn’t speak. Not make even the slightest noise to pull him back, back into the bubbling cacophony of the world.

His other senses were fading out now, too. He could no longer feel the prickle of carpet on his limbs or anything but the suffocating feeling of silence and the inability to take a proper breath in. His vision was blurred and nose completely blocked by heavy tears. His mouth dry and tasteless from sucking air in and out on repeat. 

And all around him was the screaming static of white noise, deafening him to all else. 

It was like his own muteness had spread, smothering the thunder and leaving only the lightning and cold, lashing rain of silence. There was nothing left, just him among this emptiness. And nothing he was. Just a broken, unloved and unlovable husk of a human being that can’t do even the things humans were made to do. This is what the white noise told him, blaring into his head. This and all the other truths that were burrowed into the back of his mind. They filled his head, his heart, his lungs, his body. The room was filled with the taunting resonate of white noise. The feeling when your arm falls asleep, but everywhere. It wrapped too tightly around him, and he was but a mind suffocating within its own body.

There was no telling how long he laid there, on the worn carpet of the hallway. Long enough to miss the click of a lock being opened, the creaking of the front door, footsteps in the lounge. 

He only felt sturdy arms wrapping themselves around his panicked frame and pulling him back to solid ground. The sturdy beating of a heart guiding his trembling one. Calmed breaths teaching his gasping lungs how to breathe. He felt warm breath close enough to tickle his ear, and he wasn’t deaf anymore because he could hear Phil’s voice. Phil, telling him that it was all going to be okay because he was back and how much he loved Dan and that he was okay and how Dan was so beautiful and perfect and brave and he wasn’t going anywhere because he would never, could never, leave Dan.

And Dan believed him.


End file.
